100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Junior Rodeo Is a Killer
by Shenandoah76209
Summary: You really shouldn't talk down to someone who grew up on a farm and possesses a lot of practical knowledge without being sure she can't understand you. You won't like the results otherwise.


_Author's Note: This is for Risknight who inspired the title and begged me to write one with Penny as the killer (deliberately)._

 **Rules** :

1\. Sheldon/Penny – They can be platonic, romantic, smutty, Super Heroes/Villains, etc.

2\. Leonard/Amy's death MAY occur anytime from the Pilot thru Season 9

3\. The death must be completed in a single chapter, although you are welcome to contribute as many different forms of death as you like as long as they are a chapter each.

4\. The story must be no more than 1,500 words long.

5\. Deadline is October 31, 2015.

* * *

 **100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Junior Rodeo Is a Killer**

Contrary to the general opinion of her friends, she wasn't helpless in regards to intellectual exercises. Unaccustomed to higher math and scientific method yeah, helpless, not even a little bit.

She didn't watch only Project Runway and America's Next Top Model either. Sure she liked those shows but she only watched most of her reality shows in order to drive her more intellectually inclined friends crazy. And if Amy thought her condescending insults were really going over Penny's head, the neuroscientist was dumber than Amy thought Penny was.

What really hurt was the way Bernadette and Leonard agreed with everything Amy said.

* * *

Turns out Bernadette didn't agree with Amy, she just didn't know how to correct her without getting completely confrontational. What worked on her husband wouldn't work on Amy. Howard was a nicer person than Amy was.

Penny sat down with the pile of scrips she'd requested from her agent and began to plan. The perfect murder took work after all, and this wouldn't be a quick or easy solution to her problems.

* * *

"Can't act my perfectly toned butt! I will go junior rodeo on his ass!" Penny snarled. Part of her wanted to dump Leonard on his flabby behind. The more rational part of her forced her to take a deep breath and mentally go over the plan once again.

Sheldon had been reduced to a twitching disturbed mess thanks to Amy's insistence on curing his need for closure. When Penny had looked on in him he'd been finalizing a domino sequence and invited her to watch it fall with him. He'd even allowed her to help place the dominos while he explained about Amy's experiment.

She'd had to clench her jaw and grind her teeth when Sheldon wasn't looking but all she'd said was that she liked Sheldon the way he was and if Amy didn't then she wasn't being a good girlfriend. Loving someone was about accepting them and helping them change if that was what they wanted. Not forcing it on them to meet some arbitrary standard.

Sheldon had looked sad and disturbed but he hadn't disputed her conclusion.

* * *

Penny forced herself to smile as she agreed to meet Leonard for some stargazing. He was only going to put her down the entire evening and he and Amy would do their best to keep she and Sheldon separate. According to Amy, Penny and Sheldon reinforced each other's worst qualities and shouldn't be allowed to continue enabling each other. Of course she said it in more scientific language and spoke over Penny's head to the rest of the group but that didn't mean Penny hadn't understood her.

The junior rodeo champ kept a smile on her face. The wannabe actors who served as busboys and waiters didn't know who'd stolen their supply of Rohypnol. As a bartender it wouldn't be hard to slip it into the drinks of her friends. They'd sleep and be none the wiser the next day.

That was just step one.

Step two involved getting the pair of them into her car and down to the empty building near the docks in LA. It had taken her six months but she'd found a building in foreclosure that was easy enough for her to break into.

Step three brought into play the skills she'd learned on a Nebraska farm. Leonard thought all her family did was grow corn. He'd never bothered to learn everything that went on at a working farm. Hogtying animals was only half of it. Butchering was the skill she'd never forget. She might not be able to get a job in a butcher shop but she knew that in order to cut down any animal you began at the joints.

Step four was a bit problematic but for a few hundred dollars she found a fishing boat she could rent at night. The guy who ran it didn't own the boat and wouldn't say anything. The money would pay for the fuel. A hat, some glasses and a few tricks with makeup would make her unrecognizable. She knew just enough about boats that she could take it out, dispose of the bodies deep in the ocean and bring it back before sunrise.

Step five involved the story. This was where being an actress really helped. All it took was the right interpretation of the 'story'. The story being Amy and Leonard getting involved with each other. Amy was desperate for sex. Leonard would pretty much sleep with anyone who offered. Pointing out how often the two of them were seen talking together would allay any suspicions. She'd taken the liberty of 'borrowing' Leonard's phone now and then while she was at Amy's apartment, and then swiping Amy's phone and texting to Leonard. Any halfway decent computer tech would be able to retrieve the deleted messages, she'd asked Howard about it once, and it would look like Amy and Leonard had been cheating for some time.

* * *

Her plan ran into a snag when Sheldon didn't want a beverage before bed. Everyone else had happily dropped off to sleep, including her (hopefully) victims. But Sheldon was being stubborn.

"Please Sheldon. This is for the best. Can't you just trust me?" She pleaded. She couldn't bring herself to lie to him or hurt him. It was partially for him that she was doing this.

"I believe that your plan would go much smoother if you had a second party to assist you." Sheldon told her quietly. "Based upon my observations and your slightly adjusted habits you are planning on murdering Leonard and Amy tonight. If nothing else you require an alibi."

"I didn't want you to be involved." Penny admitted. "I didn't want to break you. You're a nice guy Sheldon."

"You're my friend. And a better judge of people than I am. Please allow me to assist you." Sheldon hesitantly took her hand and bowed over it. "After all Sheldor and Queen Penelope are an unbeatable team. We don't fight alone."

* * *

He'd been right. His help made lugging the bodies a lot easier. He'd commented matter-of-factly that he knew how to pilot a fishing vessel and that there had been shark sightings only twenty miles east of her original choice of dumping grounds.

She dropped him at Los Robles and he packed a bag for Leonard while she did the same for Amy. She drove Amy's car over to Sheldon's apartment and they loaded Leonard's suitcase into it. A call to a friend who ran a (legally iffy) garage got them a driver who would take the car a minimum of five counties over before dropping it at a chop shop. Leonard and Amy's phones were turned off and taken apart, batteries removed, SD cards broken before the separate parts were tossed down the sewers.

With four hours to spare they returned to the campsite and their sleeping friends to sit and talk by the fire. She drilled him on the details until Sheldon could speak on any aspect without twitching. "All you have to say if anyone asks is that you after a while you couldn't sleep and you sat out here to look at the stars. The simpler you keep the story, the easier it is to tell and to remember. You say it so often that it sounds like the truth. Everyone remembers the truth. Its lies people forget and change and that leads to getting caught." Sheldon had nodded and practiced.

* * *

When the guys woke up, Bernadette having declined to sleep in a tent on the ground, Raj and Howard didn't even notice Amy and Leonard were gone until Penny innocently asked them where Leonard was.

"I heard him get up last night and figured you guys were setting up your video equipment in a better spot or something." She looked at them. "He's always going on about last minute inspiration."

The guys had shaken their heads and checked their phones. Penny pulled hers out and uttered a tiny shriek of rage. "That cheating jackass!"

Sheldon pulled out his phone and read the group message that Leonard had sent, "I can't hide it anymore. Amy and I are together. We're going away for a while so we can 'embrace our relationship without judgment'."

Penny scrolled through her messages to Amy's icon and scowled. "Sheldon, Bestie, though I love you both I can no longer deny my heart. I'm sorry if we hurt you. I couldn't wait anymore."

Raj and Howard exchanged a look and then Howard suggested, "How about we get some breakfast? Maybe they'll come back and explain."

* * *

Amy and Leonard never came back. Amy's mother filed a police report. Letters of resignation arrived at their workplaces but nothing more was heard of the two scientists, despite police inquiries at Mrs. Fowler's insistence.

After two years Sheldon asked Penny out. Four years later when he proposed she accepted. Leonard and Amy weren't invited, nor were they missed.

* * *

 _Author's Note: Hope you all enjoyed._


End file.
